In our 20s and 30s, many of us strive to build meaningful relationships, both personally and professionally. It's a time when we seek approval, validation, and a sense of belonging. However, the desire to please others can sometimes lead us down a path that compromises our own needs and well-being. People-pleasing, though often well-intentioned, can have significant effects on our interpersonal relationships.
Understanding People-Pleasing
People-pleasing is a behaviour characterised by the overwhelming need to gain the approval of others. It often involves putting others' needs before our own, avoiding conflict at all costs, and consistently seeking validation. This behaviour can stem from various factors, such as a fear of rejection, low self-esteem, or a desire to fit in.
Signs of People-Pleasing
Difficulty Saying No: Agreeing to tasks or commitments even when they conflict with your own priorities.
Apologising Excessively: Saying sorry for things that aren't your fault or beyond your control.
Avoiding Conflict: Steering clear of disagreements, even when it's necessary to address issues.
Seeking External Validation: Relying heavily on praise and approval from others to feel good about yourself.
The Impact on Interpersonal Relationships
While people-pleasing might seem harmless or even beneficial at first, it can have several negative impacts on your relationships:
1. Loss of Authenticity
When you constantly aim to please others, you may lose touch with your true self. In relationships, this can lead to a lack of authenticity, where you present a version of yourself that is tailored to others' expectations rather than your own desires and values.
2. Resentment Build-Up
By consistently prioritising others' needs over your own, resentment can quietly build over time. You might feel unappreciated or taken for granted, which can strain relationships and lead to feelings of bitterness or frustration.
3. Imbalanced Relationships
People-pleasing can create imbalances in relationships, where one person is always giving and the other always receiving. This dynamic can result in one-sided relationships that lack mutual respect and reciprocity.
4. Increased Stress and Anxiety
The constant pressure to please others can be overwhelming, leading to increased stress and anxiety.
Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
Recognising the impact of people-pleasing is the first step toward healthier relationships. Here are some strategies to help you break free:
Set Boundaries
Learn to set and communicate clear boundaries. Practice saying no without feeling guilty, and understand that it's okay to prioritise your own needs.
Develop Self-Compassion
Cultivate self-compassion by acknowledging your worth and value independently of others' opinions. Practice self-care and positive self-talk to boost your self-esteem.
Embrace Authenticity
Be genuine in your interactions. Share your thoughts and feelings honestly, and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you truly are.
Seek Professional Help
If people-pleasing significantly impacts your life, consider seeking help from a therapist or counsellor. They can provide guidance and support in developing healthier relationship patterns.
In your 20s and 30s, building strong, authentic relationships is crucial. While the desire to please others is natural, it's important to strike a balance that allows you to maintain your own needs and identity. By recognising the signs of people-pleasing and taking steps to address them, you can foster healthier, more fulfilling interpersonal relationships. Remember, the most meaningful connections are those that allow you to be your true self.
If you find yourself constantly putting others before yourself and struggling to set boundaries, you’re not alone. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive space where you can explore these patterns and start prioritising your own needs without guilt.
Taking the first step can feel daunting, but it’s also an act of self-care and courage. The Flawed Journey offers a FREE 30-minute consultation, giving you the chance to explore how therapy can support your journey toward healing, self-understanding, and confidence.
If you need 24/7 mental health support right now, please check out 24/7 support helplines here and call a support service near you. If you think your life or someone else’s is at immediate risk, call your local emergency services.
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